Being engaged is one of the most magical & special periods of life. The endless words of happiness and excitement from family & friends. And the promise of a beautiful wedding and an even more beautiful future with the one you love. But, it’s not always just a love bubble or clouds of happiness. How do I know? Because I’m right here with you.
I’ve been engaged for almost 2 months and it has been absolutely wonderful, for the most part. We’ve had our friends over to celebrate, special dinners with family, and loads of exciting conversations. On the flip side, though, there has been a lot of stress and many arguments…
We’re in those early stages of being engaged where you get the ‘big’ things decided, whilst leaving the details for later. Often this is the hardest part of the engagement because even the most decisive people will come up against decisions that they just don’t know how to make. And whatever you do, someone will always be offended.
The Guest List
Oh yes, the guest list. Anyone who is or has been engaged will no doubt be squirming reading that word. I’m squirming writing it! Before I got engaged I seriously underestimated the guest list problem. Like, seriously. Both myself & Euan couldn’t understand why people found it so difficult. That was, of course, until we were doing it for ourselves. I’m going to be honest here, we still currently have absolutely no idea what to do. Yep, the people who thought they’d know within the first day exactly who they’d invite and how many people they’d have, have no idea what to do.
There are a number of politics involved with wedding guests and unfortunately (even though we’d quite like to) we can’t avoid that. And we’ve just got to come to terms with it. Something we’ve found to have a huge impact on the guest list is the fact that we’re having the wedding at my parents house and they are therefore ‘hosting’ the wedding. The advantage of an unconnected-to-your-family venue is that the venue is hosting the wedding, therefore the discretion is yours. Whilst we are so lucky my parents have the space to host our wedding, it does mean that the venue is essentially theirs and there are a number of people who will be offended in this scenario who may not have been if we had opted for a proper wedding venue (far, far away…).
On the flip side, though, we are incredibly lucky to have so many people in our lives want to be invited. Whilst this does make guest culling hard, it’s also important we look at the positives and take it as a huge compliment. There are worse things than having too many people on your guest list, right?
Bridesmaids, Ushers, and all that stuff
Okay, this one I have to say we’ve completely tucked away in a little cupboard somewhere (for now). I know a decision has to be made at some point, but luckily we’ve left ourselves plenty of time. Do you ask your whole group of girls to be bridesmaids, or just one or two and risk offending the others? Do you pay for the usher’s suits or expect them to? Honestly? I don’t know. Neither of us know exactly who to have, or how to involve people we don’t choose. And it is really really hard! Like I said before, someone will always be offended. We’re still learning how to come to terms with that, and I daresay we’ll get there. As for the bridesmaids & ushers, I’ll keep you updated…
Being Engaged and enjoying it
Both of us have to keep reminding each other to just enjoy being engaged. Weddings are so difficult, and nothing prepares you for them (not even organising other people’s, trust me!). Whoever you are & whatever your situation, the same problems will crop up with each and every wedding and it’s about managing them the best you can. Being decisive is good, but so is being understanding and accepting. And relaxing. I’m terrible at relaxing, and so far have completely failed at having a relaxed engagement. But I’m trying, and that’s the main thing.
The guest list and the bridesmaids/ushers are (so far) the only things we’ve found difficult. So it’s not all bad! A church wedding has always been on the agenda for both of us so no qualms there. And working with the abundance of incredible suppliers that I do, choosing the photographer, florist, and videographer has been the easiest part so far! Not everyone will find the suppliers as easy as we have, but not everyone will find choosing bridesmaids & ushers as difficult as we have. Just keep focused on the reason you’re having this wedding in the first place; your marriage. Your future, your lives together, your love. Notice a pattern? You. And everything else will fall into place (well that’s my philosophy anyway, so let’s hope I’m right!).
No doubt there will be many more developments throughout this engagement, and many more excuses for some blog posts!